“We felt that the update would bring much needed additions to the community.”
Valve has reported that the latest update to Hammer is helping players to “Broaden their world view exponentially. They will now be able to see things with Hammer that were never possible before.”
“At first we debated the update’s legality, but Gabe told us to go through with it and let the lawyers worry about it later. After all, technically, our customers haven’t paid for the software anyways. It was an addition to Source after the fact. This allows us to do pretty much anything we want with the intellectual property. Including, but not not limited to, sending a team of highly trained privatized militants to the household of any customer, and having their computer’s internal components replaced with Nutella.”
“Robin’s referring to the infamous bread spread ’08 debacle.” Gabe commented.
“After countless hours troubleshooting with Steam support, a customer who couldn’t boot Left 4 Dead had the problem remedied with a remote Steam support dispatch. Six ex-Navy Seals infiltrated the user’s home, removed the computer’s innards, and replaced them with Pancakes topped with Nutella. Technically, the problem was resolved by our hot-cake-fix.”
When asked why “Pancakes and Nutella”, Robin Walker of Valve responded: “They’re pretty amazing. We have a Pancake and Nutella bar in the office. There’s a ‘Scorched Pan’ policy in the office, too. If you can’t fix it, replace it with Pancakes and Nutella and usually the problem is forgotten.”
“Anyways, what’s important is what’s going on right now. And right now, we’re bringing a level of mapping experience to our customers that no other company can offer. I mean, think about it. What you’re doing with Hammer is, essentially, re-creating the real world with your own twist. Half-Life 2 was heavily researched throughout Eastern Europe before mapping began. Thousands upon thousands of photos were taken, and some scenes are almost exact originals from the photographs. This update is allowing our customers to leave their office, house, mother’s basement, or whatever and see what is possible. We’re very proud of what we’ve done here, and we honestly think there aren’t many companies out there who can bring this level of involvement to their customers. We’re definitely happy with what we’ve done.”
Outside sources indicate that Hammer will be functional and working within five days of the outage.